Rules for dating a NASCAR fan
Body:
rules of dating a NASCAR Fan!
1. Before I agree to date you and
only you, you must read and agree to all statments in this contract. by
signing this you take full responsibility to ensure all rules are
follwed. By not signing this agreement, dating exclusively is null and
void. This contract is NON-NEGOTIABLE!
2. If you take a genuine
interest in racing, I will be more than happy to help you gain an
intimate understanding of the sport.
3. Events and activities are
to be planned AROUND NASCAR races. So learn the race schedule. Under
special circumstances, this may not apply, However, If I will miss a
race, it must be taped using TWO VCRs (just in case one fails). NO
special circumstances will be considered for the following races:
Daytona 500, either race at Talledega and the Bristol night race! If I
am not watching them via satellite then I will be at the track watching
them.
4. You already know the normal holidays.....Easter,
Christmas, Thanksgiving. I have 2 other holidays: Speed Weeks and
Daytona. These holidays WILL be observed! (All vacation days will be
consumed with Nascar events. ) (If you want a tropical vacation, Nascar
stops over in Miami. If you want a destination in the snow, Bristol has a
likelyhood.)
5. During a race I DO NOT accept phone calls. No
matter how many times you call.... I will NOT answer.
6. If we
are watching a race togeter...please observe the following rules: Do not
touch the remote, television, reciever, or VCR. Doing so will result in
serious injury or worse. Do not talk during the race...Duct tape will
be used if neccessary. You must sit a minimum of five feet away from me.
This is partially for your own safety. If you are in a romantic mood,
don't attemp to share it with me. Take a cold shower until the race is
over. (If you really want to make points with me, make sure there is a
cold one in my hand at all time. Caution shots are greatly appreciated.
More than likely the romantic mood will hit me after im a little tipsy.)
7.
While couples usually share things, there are some things that are off
limits. My racing apparel is off limits....DO NOT TOUCH IT! (These
things are sacred and are only deserving of those who appreicate them.)
8.
While you may find Jamaica a romantic vacation spot, I find Bristol,
Talledega, Charlotte, and anywhere that has race shops or tracks
romantic spots. (There is nothing better than the smell of exhaust!!! If
that doesnt get a girl hot and bothered, you've got the wrong chick!
Likewise, there is all kinds of romance to be had in a tent!)
9.
When I take my vacation, I will be visiting one or more of the places
mentioned above. You don't expect me to go on a romantic dinner, and I
don't expect you to spend the day at NHIS.
10. If we break up and
there is stuff to be divided, you can have back anything you gave me
with the exception of any racing related items. You may keep anything I
gave you, with the exception of racing related items.
11. In the
event we move in together, I will require one room to display my NASCAR
stuff....The smallest room will not be acceptable. (I hold full
descretion of the contents.
12. If it comes down to a choice
between you and racing......racing will win. (Dont try it.... no amount
of love is greater than that of racing.... you will fail miserably)
13.
If the opportunity arises that I can get tickets to the Bristol race
under the lights, complete with garage access, I will do anything for
them. If it requires your * * *istance, you will do anything to ensure I
get them.
